Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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