I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
