Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
