it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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