when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
