Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
