new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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