Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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