Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
