I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
