thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
