hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
