"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
