If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm like, not good at living.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
