So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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