What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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