Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
