watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
