Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
