I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
why is half of my head shaved?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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