It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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