who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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