this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
