I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
