I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
