i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
