The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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