i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if only i could text you this smell
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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