I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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