Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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