and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My life is pants optional.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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