Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
