I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
