I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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