Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
