You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
