It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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