i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
