i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
