Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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