i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
