We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
