I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
