I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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