i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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