How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
