Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
