I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
