Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
