I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize