The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize