i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
