mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
