I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have tasted many bathrooms
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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