Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
