she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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