xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
