Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
pray to the hookup gods
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
