Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
