Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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