last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
